at work yesterday this random pretty girl starting running towards me and tackle hugged me, i was so stunned. it took me a good amount of seconds to recognize Tenisha, and man, she looked so damn good i seriously didn’t recognize her! it’s been like half a year? she told me she dropped out of school because of her family issues and stress, and that she lost so much weight due to her anxiety troubles. well, i told her the truth, that she looked smokin’ hot now and tbh her eyes lit up. she was jumping around so happily. i told her to use her weaknesses as strengths and to be thankful that her stress didn’t make her look miserable in the end :) i told her to be strong, that she is a beautiful person with a huge heart, and that i love her, though we were never even that close at all. she gave me all her contact info within seconds and wow i feel so..loved :$ second tackle hug within a month where people run at me and right into me with a huge hug ^_^
I’m really glad I have a best friend like mikey, he really is great. In fact I love him so much that it really upsets me when I know he’s depressed as he says. It hurts to know that and I wish I could help him, yet at the same time it shoots off bad memories back into my mind, like no matter what I do I can’t escape from the pain in this world. and gosh I don’t want to be sad forever. I just want to live and love, and be loved. I just want to be happy :) I wish my hunny could be so damn happy<3
I fell down at work today because Janna literally attacked after she hadn’t seen me in such a long time (she works odd hours so I rarely see her there). She actually jumped me and screamed so loudly that we got a couple stares, but to be honest it felt so nice. Someone missed me that much. I love Janna so much, she always make me feel so wonderful <3
i haven’t felt lonely in quite a while because of my sweet friends :)<3 man, some prev. posts sorta make me really sad to see what feeling that way can do to me.. aaand this is why i just can’t do long distance. i’ve had enough shit happen to me in life that i need someone right next to me to hang on to, to protect me and shield me. haha maybe that is why i have always felt truly safe and sound in the arms of a police officer. i need them to be a lot more stronger and balanced than me. clearly, i start losing my mind and having panic attacks when i don’t have a person like that near me. on the other side, so much has changed, i no longer have depression or anxiety because i fought through it. even though i do still get really bad panic attacks and still think bad things at times, and though I wouldn’t say i’m a ‘happy person’, I can definitely say that i’m a much more happier person ^_^
I’ve always dreamed of living in a world where there would be flying whales above my head singing their magnificent sounds. The mysterious depths of the ocean would be floating right above us among the stars.
though it’s been a busy day today being my birthday and what not, i loved that we had a little bit of time on our side today, being together and snuggling with your soft green blanket that smells just like you do. i love that we even got to eat some of my favorite chips, especially since i was pretty hungry. i’m so glad you came to visit your grandmother here and that we got to spend time together at your humble home. <3 alone together- i couldn’t have spent my day any better, honestly, even though it’s been a long time since i’ve seen you. i’m so happy. i’m also very happy that i got to help your little butt in some Twisted Metal 4 <3 you’re so cute, snookie bear. i loved you ever since you caught me causing havoc :3 you changed so much in my life and i’m not sure if we are meant for each other, i still have so much to change and improve on in my life. but i do love you. i loved every inch of fun and excitement we had today.
sigh sigh sigh i see everyone talking about christmas family parties or family dinners or some shiiittt; but then here i am with my distant ass family who doesn’t like to do anything which really fookin’ sucks tbh; there’s so many of them too, my mom has 16 brother and sisters in total (step and half siblings included); which all have kids so all the cousins and uncles and aunts and kids and holy fuck ??? we’d have so much fun, usually we’d go “house hopping” so on christmas eve we start the party at someone’s house then go over to another one’s house then we all come to my house, then to someone else lmfao walk the streets at 2 in the morning all happy and half drunk having a good time ?? i love that, because time’s like that are so rare with my enormous family because everyone just became so selfish. and i wish my mum didn’t change so much either.
[7:20:09 PM] Maddie: i don’t wanna be with chase at all [7:20:15 PM] Maddie: but i just remember how in love i was with him [7:20:17 PM] Maddie: it was a nice feeling [7:20:21 PM] Maddie: loving someone and having them love you back [7:20:26 PM] Maddie: but we had too many conflicts [7:20:28 PM] Maddie: it just didn’t work
[6:33:46 PM] Maddie: i was getting like [6:33:48 PM] Maddie: sad the other night [6:33:52 PM] Maddie: because i miss affection [6:33:53 PM] Maddie: and cuddling [6:33:55 PM] Maddie: and kissing [6:34:12 PM] Maddie: like you know when you’re sad and your heart hurts and everythin seems to go so slow [6:35:40 PM] Maddie: at first i thought i suddenly missed chase [6:35:44 PM] Maddie: but i realised it’s not chase i miss [6:35:56 PM] Maddie: it’s being close with someone… and having someone to laugh with and be with all the time and cuddle [6:36:05 PM] Maddie: and all this al shit has fucked it up man [6:36:06 PM] Maddie: like [6:36:09 PM] Maddie: i don’t even know what’s going on, i don’t know how to just include him in my life again, like nothing happened
I know you say that I’m not a heartless person, that I’m ‘nice’. The way you define me is as if you strongly believe I’m such a kind hearted person to you, but you’re wrong. My heart is full of love, yes it is, I won’t deny. But my heart is also as cold and slippery as ice, just as slick and twisted; if you fall the wrong way, I can leave you in the worst bruises and broken bones. I never would intend to hurt you, ever, but if your heart falls into another hand and you seem to forget me and ‘how worth it and valued I am’ making all the things you say seem like bullshit, I’ll walk away silently and be done with you in the worst way. I know you say I should trust you and your heart is mine- but it seems so hard for me to believe from time to time. I can’t watch you throw your dreams away over this. If I can leave all the drugs and drama behind then so can you, I tried to convince you time and time again. Even though a part of me will always love you, if you turn to something else instead of me, something else that will ruin you and that I told you I feared, I won’t stop you, because from then and there, you wouldn’t be worth it anymore.
it’s july the first/canada day !! i restarted my main blog from point zero. i deleted every single post (not that there was a lot to begin with anyway, barely 100 posts within multiple years) but i just want to start something new. i really love art, and it’s not even specific types or anime itself it’s just the talent behind all the beautiful works. i could look at it all forever, and quotations.. i think about some of them so much because it’s so relevant and worded perfectly. i didn’t even know what i was doing before and only had 6 followers anyway (and only 2 are active out of those 6 lol), so this isn’t really a loss. it’s my main blog’s new start day! i think this will be so good ^-^
cuddled so much today on the trampoline with my boyfriend, we kissed so much!! i really do like him so much, though i’m still not ready to have sex with him because i’m not sure if i’m super serious. haha i get scared easily i guess. he’s so cute though :-)<33
I hate this town. It’s full of memories which I wish to forget. Everyday, I go to school. Discuss useless things with friends, then returning to home, which I don’t even want to spend one moment at. Every day passes like that… I wonder when will there be a change of pace. Will the day that changes everything ever arrive?
it’s been so damn long and i’m in a really different place right now in life, with somebody else, but on this day, even though it’s my birthday, i am thinking of you and wondering if you’re smiling back. knowing that i was right all that time haha! :) the world indeed did not explode this 2012. i wonder if all of our past conversations about it crossed your mind today too
I thought I would never get over Alex after leaving him, everything seemed to drift apart right before my eyes, but since meeting you, things have been so much better. I had so much fun with you, laughing and hugging. I love when you get so clingy to me- well, don’t worry my darling <3 I won’t ever let you go. Oh, and thank you for the delicious taco’s! :D
It’s been a wonderful year, I barely even blogged anything about it because there has barely been any tragedy. I honestly couldn’t have pictured myself with anyone better. I know all your feelings are true and pure and I feel the very same way for you too, my love. So much has finally changed for me, and around me, just because of you.
You say I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you? Well guess what- you are to me as well, but you already knew that.
damn it’s march again already, so many of my friends have march birthdays! and oKAY last night chase told me he has feelings for me and saifjgroij IT WAS SUCH A NICE NIGHT and then we went back to his house at around 2-3am and spent the whole day together wow that was a really great 24 hours